He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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