omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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