I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
