He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
