You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
