no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
