My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
