My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
