you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
