things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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