so explain again why im purple
no
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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