Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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