I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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