So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
