okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
