I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
