Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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