Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
