ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
