his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
