i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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