her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize