I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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