Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
