Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
