So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
