while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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