I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
