Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
