u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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