woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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