Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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