So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
