"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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