i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
