i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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