I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
