I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think my moral compass just broke
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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