Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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