i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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