he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
