we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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