Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
