You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
