we have pet lesbian snakes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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