you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize