is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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