If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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