The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
