I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
