I look better un-naked...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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