Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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