Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
