I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
