The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
