his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
