the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
