so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
two words: eviction party
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
