I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
