Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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