gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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