I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
