i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize