you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
