guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
