You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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