I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
