Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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