Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
