ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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