i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
