Come see our sink grown plant.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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