before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
