3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
